Living with Dyspraxia
Words / Paigan Fletcher
I am 27 years old and for the first time in my life, I have accepted that I have a learning disability called Dyspraxia. I am finally on the way to loving myself and accepting who I truly am.
Being diagnosed at 11-years-old with a learning disability called “Dyspraxia”, I was mortified that I had a label and was never going to be normal or what is expected to be normal.
The Dyspraxia Support Group NZ say that “Developmental Dyspraxia or Developmental Coordination Disorder Developmental Coordination Disorder (DC) is a common neuro-developmental disorder affecting the process of ideation, motor planning, and execution”. Everyone has a different experience with it. I find that Dyspraxia affects my speech in my day to day life as I have some difficulty pronouncing words and having conversations with people means I can muddle up my words and sometimes I do not make sense.
At school, I was quiet and very shy – shy to the point that I would never say anything in class. High school was my worst nightmare and every morning I would wake up anxious, a bundle of nerves before I’ve even left the house. It was exhausting feeling like that every single day from year 7 up until I finished year 13. There were many moments at high school where I knew I was completely alone and I had no one. I remember Stage Challenge being my worst nightmare as I could not remember the dance moves. I felt embarrassed to ask for help and tell everyone I had Dyspraxia and I really struggled.
On the night of the performance I copied my classmates and was out of time and sync. I wish I just spoke up rather put myself in this situation that I would worry all the time and I did not enjoy dancing. Looking back at High School, it’s clear that all I wanted was to fit in and to be part of a friendship group and to feel accepted. I know that I tried to hard t fit in and I did lose who I am and had no idea who I truly was.
“I wish I had accepted that I had Dyspraxia and spoke up and said I was struggling.”
Now that I’m in my twenties, I still haven’t been able to shake these feelings that I have because it is still a struggle for me to have Dyspraxia. I cannot write a cover letter still to this day as my writing and sentence structure is not there yet. Having Dyspraxia, it takes longer for me to get my thoughts down and to write them down, articulate it, and share it. I have dreams and goals for myself and my dream career is to work in policy, research, and communications.
I would love for us here in New Zealand to have more conversations about Dyspraxia and more people to know what it is and the careers/jobs that people with Dyspraxia do. I also think people need to be more open to accepting spelling and grammar mistakes and know that does not define and stop people from doing a job. My absolute dream would be is if there are no more cover letters as for me they create more stress and stops me applying for jobs. I am accepting I have Dyspraxia and I will get the help I need to improve myself. One of the ways I’m seeking help is by going to speech therapy. I’m incredibly proud to say this and feel quite brave sharing it now. I know deep inside me that pronouncing words and having clear sentences is going to help me make friends and give my confidence the boost that I need.
I wish I had accepted that I had Dyspraxia and spoke up and said I was struggling. It could have stopped me from having negative thoughts of myself and wishing that I was born with a different brain and having dyspraxia makes me unique and to not be embarrassed to be me. I have amazing days where I stop myself getting caught up with my thoughts for having dyspraxia and I know it is ok to fail.
Paigan Fletcher is a 27-year-old book addict who loves to spend her time browsing bookstores and reading articles online. This is her first ever published article.
